The Truth About Sex in Marriage

Picture this; Two people madly and passionately in love with each other. Dreaming of the other in absence. Time away growing the yearn for each other. Waiting for the moment to embrace again. Knowing this will be that forever feeling.

Its a bit ironic that, “the reason why men get married…” and “the reason why men don’t want get married…” both include “more” sex.

Chantea and i are college sweethearts. This photo was taken in 2005. its hard to believe this was almost 14 years ago..

I’m not encouraging sex before marriage by any means, but would you agree with me that it happens more often than not? So “if” it is happening before marriage, I’m learning that after you make that vow, it will begin to slow down more and more over time. And if you’ve waited until marriage for sex, give it a while.

The more I listen, the more I see, the more I converse this hot topic, it seems to be the norm. A lot of women begin to lack the desire or the need for sex due to a number of different reasons: 

Dating is essential in a marriage. so we still try to fit in date nights even when we have so much going on.
  1. they don’t feel sexy (or) 
    1. In those early stages of the relationship (dating), you would give her that look or touch to let her know how sexy she was or that she was turning you on just by her appearance. And when you gave her that look or that touch, she knew exactly what it meant. She would smile internally and externally because you made her feel good and she wanted you to know that gesture did something to her. And she wanted more.
  2. they’re “too” tired (just to name a couple)
    1. Whether she is a stay at home mom or working full time, “I’m too tired” is a reason many couples lack sex in marriage. The wife who wakes up in the morning to make breakfast, pack lunches, clean the house, make dinner and watch children all day may be pretty pooped by the time she’s ready to get some shuteye. Then you have those women who work full time and still come home to be “mom.” 
This is what we’ve built and i wouldnt trade this life for anything.

This is why prayer, communication and knowing your spouse’s “Love Language” is important. Prayer keeps you hopeful, communication keeps you on the same page and knowing your spouse’s “Love Language” will keep you ahead of the game. And speaking of Love Languages, have you read the book ”5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman? It breaks down what those 5 Love Languages are: “Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.” 

Now ladies, some of you would agree with me, so to the ladies who don’t, this is no shot at you, I promise. Fellas, once you figure what that “Love Language” is, it’s probably going to change… real quick. And once you find out what that next “Love Language” is, well… you get the picture.

If you notice, “sex” was not mentioned in that list of 5 Love Languages. And you know what they say about us men… Sex is the “only thing” men think about. Now I wouldn’t go that far. I mean, I hope us men are more responsible than that. We think about our cars, music, TV’s and video games too. Just kidding!! What I meant to say is, we invest in our spiritual and physical health, our families, careers, communities… there is so much more to what most husbands think about. 

Intimacy is an integral part of marriage: it creates a sense of “oneness,” love. But not everyone defines intimacy the same. So it’s important to know how your spouse would define the term intimacy. What makes him/her feel loved, what makes him/her feel at “one” with you. Communicate with your spouse and pray for a healthy sex life.

A foundation unshaken!!!

Thanks for reading and I hope this blog brings a little light to the HOT topic of Truth About Sex in Marriage.

SHAVING TIPS FOR MEN

#AD #sponsored @bicflex

My dream has always been to raise a son that would walk in my footsteps with the game of basketball. I was looking forward to teaching him all the fundamentals of the game. Unfortunately, my little guy doesn’t seem interested in basketball like his old man, but I’m 100% ok with that because he is super smart and wants to be a smooth-shaven firefighter like dad. So, I told him, “when it’s time to #flexyourshave son, I’ll make
sure you’re ready!”


We don’t usually flex in the mirror, but when we do, we #BICFlex


If you’re looking for a #smoothshavesmoothprice you can find the “BICFlex 5 Hybrid” razor at your local Walmart on herndon and clovis. Believe me when I say you won’t be disappointed with the smooth trendy handle that comes with 3 flexible 5 blade refills that give you a super smooth shave. But make sure you go to https://soapbox.buzz/BICCoupon to “shave” a little money. And for more information you can follow on Instagram @bicrazors flexyourshave If you’re somewhat new to shaving with a razor like myself, here are a few tips for a smooth
shave:

  1. Take a warm shower (allowing the water to run down your face) or place a warm towel on your face for a few minutes. This will allow your facial hair to soften and your skin to moisturize.
  2. Apply a thin layer of your shaving cream in a circular motion in the areas that your #BICFlex will be making its shaving pass and let it sit for 2 minutes.
  3. Grab your #BICFlex 5 hybrid razor and make one (shaving) pass with the grain of your hair. (If, for some odd reason, the 5 flexible blades leave some hair behind, apply another thin layer of shaving cream and make one last pass).
  4. Rinse your face with cold water to remove any residual shaving cream. The cold water also helps to close the pores and prevent any irritation.
  5. Apply after-shave, make sure to pat it on your face and not rub it in.

As a professional firefighter, a clean professional look is a must and if you’re looking to #flexyourshave, do it with #bicflex.

I hope these tips help those who are new to the shaving experience and if you have any other tips, let me know. Thanks for reading!

#TeamMac Travels to Rush Creek Lodge Yosemite

 

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Have you ever lived so close to one of the most desired destinations, you never made time to go (Insert hand raised)? For example, Rio De Janeiro, Brazil (Christ the Redeemer), Paris, France (Jardin du Luxembourg), or even Fresno, California (Yosemite National Park).

Facetune

Well guess what? We’ve lived in Fresno, California for eighteen years and we’ve been to twice, in the last 3 months… Yes! 3 months. We decided to take a day trip back in October and didn’t realize the park entrance was literally only one hour and fifteen minutes away from our driveway.

We had such a great time during our day trip we decided we would make a weekend out of our next Yosemite trip. As soon as we returned home that evening, we looked at our calendars and possible hotels in the Yosemite area and oh boy… When we came across Rush Creek Lodges website, we knew where we would lay our heads when we returned to Yosemite.

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Life is like Checkers… Make the right move. Or something like that. LOL

Rush Creek Lodge is literally located less than 5 minutes away from the park entrance. The resort was opened in 2016 with over 140 stunning lodges/suites. The grounds (20 acres) were immaculate, nestled in a cluster of Evergreen trees with tranquil creeks, walking paths and tons of activities, from zip-lining to life sized checkers and connect-4. The activities were endless. If you have young children, prepare yourself to be on the go all day, or just become a kid again. In addition to what was previously noted, you can take a ride on a 60 foot embankment slide, enjoy the indoor play area, or take a dip in the heated pool all year long. And if you’re looking for more to do, the activities director (Brandon) will keep you busy.

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Our two-bedroom was beautiful! Perfect for a family of six (children under the age of 10). The decor was beautiful and the rooms had everything you need… And don’t need. We absolutely loved the fact that there were no TV’s in the rooms. But what the rooms do have are decks with beautiful views and board/family games so you can enjoy your loved ones.

They say the way to a mans heart is FOOD, and… well, you know. This is a family blog so I’ll stick with the food. The general store/gift shop will meet all of your needs minimum needs. The Tavern and the Restaurant will satisfy every tastebud you never knew you had. I thank God for the chef who whipped up that delicious “CIOPPINO!” It made my heart smile.

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In addition to the restaurant, activities, and rooms, the staff at Rush Creek was absolutely amazing. Everyone from the grounds keepers to the front desk staff. They all wore a smile and kept an open ear.

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If you’re an “Instagram’er” (@therealmichaelmcintyre) or “YouTuber” (Life with the McIntyres) like us, there is endless opportunity for building content at Rush Creek Lodge. Indoor and outdoor, formal and casual, active and chill. It’s all there. Enjoy! And tell them Mike sent ya!!! Oh,

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We may have found our second vacation home. RUSH CREEK LODGE Yosemite!!!

 

Our Crazy Life

A few days ago, I created a post on Instagram (follow me on Instagram by hitting the “follow” link to the right 😉) and it got a ton of traffic. When I say traffic, I mean “likes, shares, comments, etc.” I briefly talked about how amazing our life was at that particular moment of the picture in that post, and how life gets better and better every year.

Picture from the Instagram post with so much “Awesomeness” in it!
https://www.instagram.com/p/BpXCRgqHwpy/?taken-by=therealmichaelmcintyre

Click the link to see that post and come right back for the story. Like always, I pray that this blog be a blessing to, and/or encourages whoever is reading it.

After the birth of my oldest daughter, my wife and I made it up in our minds that we would wait a year before trying to for baby #2. When that time came, we went all in, no pun intended. Month after month went by with no success in what we were trying to accomplish. Then a year went by. And another year. At this moment, fear began to set in: is there something wrong with one of us? Are we ever going to have another child? God, what did we do wrong? Why are you doing this to us? Then counseling sessions. We’ve always been a praying and faithful family but our prayers were in over load. After a year or so, we reached our to our family, friends and church family and asked them to pray for us because we were hurting.

She is my “best friend” through thick and thin!

If there is any couple going through infertility, MEN, please be sensitive to your wifes feelings because the emotions they feel are much different that our. And if you were sad and frustrated like me with the struggles of  infertility, multiply that by 100. The bible says, “Be fruitful and multiply” and if a women feels like she can’t give their husband a child, she may feel useless. So listen to her. Be sensitive to her. Pay attention to her because 1 in 7 women have endometriosis (when the layer of tissue that usually grows on the inside of the uterus, begins to grow on the outside), preventing pregnancy in almost all cases. And they don’t even know it. Can you imagine the stress that would cause on a woman who just wants to give her husband some children and her parents, grandchildren?

So we sat down and had a discussion. Or should I say, my wife told me we were going to adopt 😁. I had my reservations, but I thought to myself, if this is going to make her happy again, I’m all in. It’s not like we haven’t discussed adoption before. I just didn’t think it would happen so soon and so fast. There were 10 classes we had to take (some 5 hours each and some 8 hours) and even with us working full-time jobs and extra-curricular activities, we completed all 10 classes, safety proofed our home (for adoption), installed a pool fence, brought a crib and necessities for whatever baby we were bringing home with us. What would take the average couple 7-9 months, we did it in 2 and a half months.

The day we met our son!!!

After receiving calls from social workers and visiting a number of available children, we finally drove out of town, actually to meet an 18 month old but we saw this little 11 month old boy with these huge eyes and a smile to die for. Three weeks later, we brought him home with us and I could finally say, “I have my son.”

People knew we adopted, so they would still ask, “when are you guys going to “have” another baby?” or “Just don’t think about it. You’re stressing too much.” Thats when my wife decided how important it is to “Change Your Small Talk,” (to get an understanding of what that means, subscribe to out YouTube channel “Life with the McIntyres”) which leads me into more “awesomeness” from that Instagram post last week.

The crowning moment!

My wife decided to keep her self busy so she would have less time to think about the thing that was still hurting her so much. She said, “Babe! I need a hobby.” Then she said, “I’m going to enter the Mrs. United States Pageant and compete for the crown.” 🤨 Wait, what? When people say they want to pick up a hobby, I’m thinking crochet, knitting, you know, normal stuff. In that split second I forgot who I was married to. My wife does nothing “normal.” I’ll admit: I did have some reservations once again, but when I got on board… I was on BOARD. My babe went out there and killed that Mrs. California United States Pageant 👸🏽.

We prayed so hard for you!!!

Fast forward to our wedding anniversary: we go out to dinner, take a walk and we sit down so she could give me the “GoPro” camera I knew I was getting as my anniversary gift 🤓. She pulls out her camera to get my reaction while I’m thinking to myself, “I already know it’s my GoPro camera. Why is she recording me? Weird…” I open the box and it’s a “positive” pregnancy test. All I could do was cry.

Stay faithful and God will grant you the desires of your heart.

So as I sit back and look at this photo while I’m typing, I’m reminded that God “will not put more on you than you can handle.” Sure, to us, it felt like He was against us. I’m reminded that “it is not our timing, but His timing.” That year made us stronger, it brought us closer, it challenged us mentally and emotionally, and it made our love stronger. In that picture, it feels like we are in a setting of royalty. With not just 1, but 2 beautiful children, and 1 in the oven. And back to that royalty thing: my wife’s a beauty Queen.

 

Failing As A Father?

I remember growing up and telling myself, “I’m going to be the best father in the world when I have children.” I really believed that. And I still believe it. The father-figures I looked up to were Heathcliff Huxtable and “uncle” Phillip Banks. Heathcliff was funny and fun-loving. Uncle Phil was more of a mentor and a disciplinarian. 

A couple of days ago, I was reading my morning devotional. The topic was on “Family” and the verse was, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord,” Ephesians 6:3-4. 

In combination of how I had already been feeling, that verse hit me like a ton of bricks. Lately I’ve been feeling like more of a disciplinarian than anything. I know I’ve been impatient with the kids and I’ve been fusing at them for… “Being kids.” I mean, what 9, 6, 3 and one year old do you know who cleans up their toys when they’re done playing with them? What 9 year old do you know, who doesn’t have 30 starburst wrappers under their bed when you clean up their room? What 6 year old doesn’t cry because its time to go to bed and they just feel asleep in the car at 10pm on the way home? What 3 year old listens? Please tell me this makes sense to you.

If I can be totally honest with you, this post has more to do with my son and I than anything else. My anxiety blasts off like a rocket 🚀when he’s around. And now that I’m thinking about it, there are probably 3 or 4 rockets blasting off for him when I’m around 😜.

My son has always been a crier. He cries before he opens his mouth to ask for help. And the things he cries about… ridiculous. So instead of helping him work through things, lately I’ll fuss at him and just make him go sit in his bed until dinner. So much so that he has almost 2 weeks of homework undone because when he starts to cry, it’s a wrap. I would say he’s playing me to get out of homework but if you know my Matt Matt, that’s all him ☺️. He’s also picked up a few new things like, fibbing, talking back (and 1 old thing) giving up. Our family motto is, “McIntyre’s never give up!” He even recites it. but For some reason, he gives up so easily.

My wife and I both played college ball and are super competitive. Everyone in ours home is competitive, all the way down to our one year old so it can be a little frustrating to see my son give up all of the time and so easily.

Now in that scripture, it says, “bring them up with discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” My frustration and anxiety has been so high with Matt, I know that its not coming from the Lord. I’ve been doing exactly what I get frustrated with him about; giving up, “on him.” And that isn’t fair to Matt at all. He’s still a kid. And I’m an adult. I’m his father. So I am committed to changing the way I interact with him and the way I discipline him. It should come from the Lord; out of love, not anger.

Now about me; Over the last month I feel like I’ve been on my phone way too much around the kids. And for me, that is unacceptable. I’m usually engaged in conversation, rolling around on the floor with them or just being a human jungle gym for them to climb on. I still do that but I can remember a few times telling them, “not right now:” and thats because I was on my phone probably updating a post. And a few days ago, Mariah wanted to watch a movie together so we went up stairs to the loft where 8 loads of clothes were spread out over the coach and she watched a movie while I folded clothes. Halfway through the movie she wanted to sit on my lap while she was watching the movie and I told her I needed to fold the clothes.

I wish I would’ve realized then that she won’t always be that small. She won’t always be able to sit on daddys  lap and watch a movie. So you know what my plan is today. Yup, watch a movie, and I’m going to be all hers. My other plan, I’m going to go over Matt’s homework with him. and if he starts crying, I’m not going to fuss at him, instead, I’ll do something to make him laugh. Then we can finish up his homework for the last two weeks 🤪.

Now please, don’t take the title of this blog literally. I know I’m not a failure as a father. But there are some things I plan on doing different. And it starts now.

“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing” – Denis Waitley.

Are there any other fathers struggling with anything similar? If so, tell your story. And thanks for reading.

Just Chill Out – Old Navy

This might have to be our “Christmas” card this year.

So, I started a blog post a week ago about the importance of “Fatherhood” and how we (my wife and I) raise our children and our interactions with them. Though that information is very important, I decided to start a new blog and post it first, partly because of the feedback we received about our children and also as a reminder that parents tend to be more critical of their children than others (at least we are); so sometimes, “we” need to chill out a little bit 😜.

We were in San Francisco Tuesday morning doing a family photoshoot for an “Old Navy” winter campaign. As any parent knows, it’s hard to get children to pay attention/be still for 10 minutes, let alone for a half day fitting and a full day shoot, so my wife and I went into it with our “woosah” hats on.

The “City”

Child labor laws state that children (depending on age) can only work a certain amount of hours per day. The production also provides a teacher, a child wrangler (the fun teacher), and they required us to have a sitter of our own 😮. That’s a lot of people looking over our kids and I thought it would be over-kill, guess what? It was perfect. I’ve never done a photoshoot or anything like that with my own children so I didn’t know what to expect.

Throughout the two days we set aside time for the kids to wiggle and have fun. The “wrangler” was a really fun guy named Billy who the kids had a great time with. He pretty much let them do whatever they wanted 😁. I could see the kids taking advantage, so I had to step in and correct them a few times.

The “teacher” was a lady named Chris who was pretty stern, in the beginning. When we first meet teacher Chris, I thought to myself; “we might have a problem here.” Not because she was disrespectful, but because she started off nagging at everything the kids did. If they were breathing wrong she had something to say: not really, but that’s how it felt 😜. A couple of hours later, I pull Mariah (my daughter) aside to let her know she needed to calm down until it was break time. I noticed, from a distance, teacher Chris watching my conversation with Mariah. Everything changed from there. She would still correct the kids when needed but it was definitely different. Loving if you will.

Myla with the ball!!!

If you’ve ever been on set of any kind of production/shoot, then you know there are a ton of people working there; 30 to 40 on this particular production. When I tell that at least half of the people working on this production stopped me to let me know how well behaved our children are, that is no exaggeration. There were plenty of times I had to speak to the kids and a few times I got frustrated with them for something they did or a comment they made. We believe it’s never ok to make fun of someone or disrespect someone. But at their young ages, sometimes they are still trying to find themselves and their places in conversations. 

I can remember all of the conversations we had about the kids. One of the most meaningful conversations was with teacher Chris. “I absolutely love your family. It’s very rare that you see a family who has so much love for each other and kids are so well behaved.” “I was watching Mariah telling Myla how beautiful she is, and I can tell that’s something that is in the souls of your family because I saw both girls tell some of the ladies on the production crew how beautiful they are.” The production manager also stated, “your family is night and day compared to the family we shot yesterday and I thank you so much for your family. Yesterday was tough.” And the agent said, “Everyone here just loved your family and I will be inContact with you soon.” 👏🏽👏🏽

Outfit #54 and we’re still smiling!

I have to remember that when I am judging the behavior of my own children, I may not need to get frustrated with them because I have to remember, whatever they are doing, I’m looking at it through a magnifying glass X’s 10, and everywhere we go, we always get that feedback. (Our Parenting Tips in a Future Blog and Vlog on our YouTube Channel)

My Perfect First Post (THE SIGN)

Last year (2017) started off amazing! We (my wife and I) decided to build a new home (which will be a future blog) in 2016, and because of weather delays, construction finally began in February of 2017 👏🏽. During that construction process, we welcomed home our youngest daughter 👧🏽 and our fourth child. Our oldest daughter made the elite dance team and she and our son were doing very well in school. My wife and I were also promoted to new positions within our departments. And finally, we got the keys 🔑🔑 to our new home on August 11th. One of the best days of my life turned into the most horrible dream I could ever imagine.

For years we talked about bringing mom in due to the decline in her health. So when we built or new home, it was also meant for her. She almost made it!

While we were moving things into our new home, I got a call from my aunt saying she needed me to check on my mother. When I called my mom, she sound like she had a little bit of a cold (weeks later I realized she masked her voice so I wouldn’t be concerned, that’s what she was known for). After talking to her, she assured me that she would have her friend (who was at the house with her) take her to the doctor. She was admitted to the hospital that evening not knowing the severity of her situation. While in the middle of the move the next day, I stopped by the hospital and they were running test on her. I stayed with her for a little while then headed back home to finish up the house before I start my 48 hour shift the next day (Sunday).

On Monday morning, I received a call from a lady at the hospital asking if I had some time to come in and talk with her regarding my mom. Because I was still at work, I asked if I could come in the next day, so we scheduled a meeting for Tuesday afternoon. I went to the hospital early to sit with my mom. After visiting with my her, my sister and I walked in the meeting with 2 doctors and some other staff. We sat down in a conference room and the doctor said, “your mom has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.” Because my mom had already beat cancer, prematurely and optimistically I said, “ok, what’s the next step? Surgery? Chemo? (Knowing that moms said she would never go through chemo again).” The brief silence and the look on their faces felt like a shot to my heart. The doctor said, “I’m sorry Mr. McIntyre but there is nothing we can do. Your mom only has weeks to months left.” Trying to be strong for my sister (Tammy), I excused myself from the room and my body completely went numb as I feel to the ground and cried.

The last kiss she felt.

For about 3 months, my wife, kids and myself had a trip booked for Portland, Oregon to see the solar eclipse on August 21st. Our flight was leaving on the afternoon of August 19th. Before we left, we went to hang out with mom. She was so medicated. I would crack a joke and she would smile, but it was a very slow smile. I thought it was due to the medication. Before we left, I kissed her on her forehead like I always do and said, “I’ll see you when we get back momma. I love you.” Again, she shook her head “yes,” but slowly.

As we were en route to Oregon, my mom was being transported to a hospice facility around 8:30 that evening. We checked in our room around 9:30 that evening and I called my brother Terry to see how things were going. He and Tammy said the hospice facility was beautiful, clean and very relaxing. Terry described as, “feeling like home.” So my wife and I got the kids situated because we knew we had a long day ahead of us and we all finally made it to sleep around 11:30.

At 1:38 am, my phone rang. I didn’t even have to see who it was to know what was going on. I pushed “accept call,” took a very deep breath, and said, “hey.” Terry said very calmly, “moms didn’t make it.” I can’t remember how long we sat in silence. My life was forever changed in that moment. I’ve been smiling on the outside, while crying on the inside.

If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, you might remember some of this from a post last month. In that post, this following sentence succeeded that post from last month: “Over the next 24 hours I had to make a decision that I still feel guilty about, but I know in my heart, it was the right decision for my mom:” I received so many responses, messages and even phone calls from people thanking me for being so transparent, because they too, were dealing with similar issues (guilt).

My “Angel.” With that beautiful smile.

I’ve been praying for a sign for over a year now, to let me know she isn’t upset with me: A star in the sky; A smile in a dream; I’ve had multiple dreams about her. All but 2, for the life of me, I could not remember anything from the dream. But the two dreams I remembered, in those dreams, she gave me a look I felt justified in believing she was not happy with me. It was a look of disappointment. Almost disgust. That led to more guilt; why didn’t I research the symptoms she was having months prior? Why didn’t I ask more questions at her doctors appointments over the years? Why didn’t I drop what I was doing on August 11thand pick her up to take her to the hospital myself? Why did I go to work 2 days after she was admitted into the hospital? Why didn’t I leave work that Monday to go talk to the doctors sooner? Why didn’t I stay with her instead of going to see the solar eclipse (even though we thought he had more time)? So many why’s have haunted me all year long.

Well, last night, my mom was in my dream. And for the first time in over a year, I saw the most beautiful smile I have ever seen before. It was the same look she would always give me when she told me how proud she was of me. I hugged her, and didn’t let her go until I woke up from that dream. That was THE SIGN I’ve been waiting for all year.

She’s never left me!